The news these last few days seems to belong to our religious leaders and their wrestle for our souls.

The Pope was dramatically thrown to the ground, but immediately bounced back. Muscling in on a defenceless position, the mighty Roman made a quick lunge for all those displaced by "hunger, intolerance or environmental degradation".

The opposition was at it too. In a bid to out-manoeuvre the Jesuits, the Church of England's secret new Going for Growth tactic was exposed: to have the Anglican brand delivered to children as young as two. The Archbishop of Canterbury turned theatrically to the crowd and made a rousing plea, urging children's dependency on their parents/teachers to be extended, presumably so that they might stay in the re-Christianised ring for as long as possible. (Elsewhere, more Irish bishops resigned over abuse; a little less dependence might have been in order there, you might say.) Meanwhile, the Catholic Church was busy perfecting its own new gambit: Anglican ambush.

And so on. All petty moves toward a single result: we are being taunted into becoming Christians again. Provoked, by the media's relentless cultural relativism, by Islam-fatigue (see today's installment), by our growing acceptance of opportunistic Christianity. Even if it takes a couple of centuries, watch as it degenerates to no-holds-barred.

As I turn off the TV, my only thought is: can't these mystagogues in their wrestling capes just leave us alone? For Christmas, at least?